The Hunter Who Becomes The Hunted
by Scare4irony
Summary: Post S4ep4. AU - "If I didn’t know you, I would want to hunt you." Chapter 7 up! Major over-thinking-Castiel!
1. Alone Having No One

AN: HELLO, fans of Supernatural, how are we all today? Are we good? Ready for another Supernatural story? This may dampen you mood though because it's angst. It's after Metamorphosis. Just a different version. There should be two chapters but if I get enough reviews I might make this into a longer story. (By the way I am reposting the first four chapters because I have a beta reader who is checking over my work.)

**

* * *

**

**THE HUNTER WHO BECOMES THE HUNTED**

"If I didn't know you, I would want to hunt you," Dean spat out angrily. His chest was heaving, his face burning red with a rage that he couldn't suppress. He had a right to be angry though. Sam understood that…but hearing that your own flesh and blood would like to skin you alive was too much. Sam stood there with his mouth open wide and his arms glued to his sides. He could feel Dean's body radiating with anger.

Sam just stood there, staring at the ground. If he met Dean's eyes or said anything to defend his actions, Dean would lay into him. He left Dean and went to college; He got to have a girlfriend and the life he always wanted. All Dean wanted was a family that would stay together through thick and thin. Yet he didn't want to give him that. He couldn't save him. Dean went to Hell and if he hadn't made that deal, it would have been the other way around.

Dean kicked the bed in frustration. Sam quickly looked up, Dean doing the same. They locked eyes instantly.

"Why, Sam?" Dean asked, almost pleading with Sam to give him an honest answer.

"I wanted to save lives," he croaked out. He knew that that was one of the lamest excuses he could give to anyone, especially Dean. He continued to look at the ground, trying to burn a hole in it, giving him something else to distract his mind. He felt faint and scared. Dean always had his back, but things were changing drastically. _'I'm a hunter,' _Sam thought. _'As soon as everyone finds out, I'll be the hunted. Ironic. 'The hunter becomes the hunted', huh?' _

Dean had a thoughtful expression on his face, processing new information. Sam brought his head up, taking the silence to mean this was fixable. For a fleeting moment, he thought Dean was going to be calmer. But just like that, his face changed from one of understanding to one of absolute disgust.

He lunged at Sam, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. Sam threw his hands back, preventing him from fighting back. Following Dean's hand with his eyes, he saw it transform into a fist. He instinctively closed his eyes and tightened his face, knowing what came next. Sam felt Dean's fist connect with his jaw, a sharp pounding sensation that wouldn't go away quickly. Sam watched Dean, eyes wide and filled with panic. He fled to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Sam stumbled onto the ground, instantly bringing his hands up to his face. _'This hurts the most. More than anything I've ever endured before. Neither of us will ever be the same again._' Sam rubbed his jaw, thinking about how much their relationship had changed. They were complete strangers to each other.

Eventually Sam got sick of rubbing his jaw and decided to let his emotions out, not caring if anyone saw. He wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them in close to his chest. He wouldn't have been surprised if Dean walked out the door and never came back. He screwed up…bad. After a few moments, his rocking slowed and gradually came to a stop.

Sluggishly he climbed into bed, not bothering to change or even take off his shoes. It was late in the morning, but all of his energy had seemingly drained away. Lying on his side, facing away from the bathroom door, Sam laid silently, hearing Dean's ragged sobs through the bathroom door. _'The next time I see Ruby, she's as good as dead. This is what she wanted, to separate us; I fight for evil, Dean fights for good. Damn that bitch!'_

There was suddenly movement in the bathroom. Dean came out, rubbing his hand up and down his face, scratching his hair and looking disappointed. He moved over to the dresser, looking into the mirror and staring at the reflection of Sam. His cheeks were tearstained but Dean made no move to comfort him.

Sam cracked his eyes open. He saw Dean's red rimmed eyes and washed face, no doubt trying to cover up his tears. He heard the jangle of car key. If this was still fixable then Dean wouldn't be able to walk out that door, not without looking back at Sam. Dean moved to the door, pausing for a second. '_Any second now…'_ Sam was holding his breath. Dean walked out the door, not even taking a look at Sam. Letting his breath out he rushed to the window. By the time he got there, Dean was gone, tire marks left on the concrete from the Impala.

Sam slumped his shoulders and stared out the window. _'I pray to God every night, but it's no wonder that he won't answer me. I have demon blood in me, so God has no time to give me a miracle.' _He punched the wall in anger. _'I have no on! Dean won't trust me and Bobby will side with him. I. Have. No. One.'_ Looking up at the ceiling he yelled. "I have no one!"

Further realizing that he had no one in the world, Sam got onto his knees for one last time in front of his bed…

* * *

AN: So what did you think, sorry if this sucks I'm not very confident when it comes to writing. Help me get reviews, click the little green button if you want this to be longer than two chapters. Luv Scare. (Well obviously it's longer than two chapters now!)


	2. A Prayer For Dean

AN: Hello everyone. Thankyou to everyone who reviewed, I'm glad you like this and to know that I have support. I'm finding this hard to write, I don't know what I'm going to do. School is really hard but I'm coping, trying to finish my work so I can write for you. As most of you probably figured italics are thought going through their heads. Can someone give me a better summary to put in, so more people might want to read it. Use what you know so far and I'll make adjustments.

* * *

_Previously: Further realizing that he had no one in the world, Sam got onto his knees for one last time in front of his bed…_

"Dear God," Sam started off, trying to keep his temper in check, "Please look after Dean, I'm not going to be around forever. Apparently I have both angels and demons wanting my head on a stick." Sam let out a decisive snort. 'I think the one thing I wanted to know ever since I was big enough to understand this all was…why?" Pausing, he regained his thoughts, but a sob escaped his lips.

"I'm so tired of this, the life Dean and I live. I now understand what he meant by this when I was infected by that demonic virus." Sam licked his lips. '_I couldn't fully understand what he was trying to say but it makes sense now_.'

"At first I thought he was joking…Dean loves the job and so on, but I guess this is what Dean's known his whole life; he never got to experience anything different."

Shifting uncomfortably, he rubbed his jaw; the swelling was starting to make it difficult to talk. "Why is it the Winchester's job to save everyone, when we can't even save ourselves? Dean didn't deserve to go to Hell, but he went for me. I prayed for you to let him go; he couldn't watch my back down there and I couldn't watch his back from up here. Instead you keep him down there for _four months_. Four _fucking_ months!' Sam started screaming.

"We both changed! Neither of us will look out for each other anymore! Is this what you wanted?! Huh?!" Tears started streaming down his face faster than Sam could wipe them. He couldn't see the bed anymore. Instead, all he saw was white hot rage. His breathing quickened, his chest feeling like it was going to explode.

"If you want me to end it, just say it! I'll end it, I swear I will, but you have to do something. Dean gets to live a normal life, maybe he becomes a mechanic, opens his own little place up. He finds a beautiful wife who loves him for all that he is and has kids that adore him. When I die you give him this." Sam started to speak quietly. "Dean dies at a ripe old age and goes to heaven; he forgets all of this, the hunts, the crappy motel, the shitty food and sleazy women. He forgets me and what I may become."

Sam slumped his shoulders in a defeat that he knew would soon come whether he was ready or not. "This is a prayer for Dean Winchester and I ask just one thing: Do this iff not for me, then for my big brother, Dean. He deserves happiness in his life. Amen."

Sam stood up slowly and entered his bed. It had been hours since he heard from Dean and it was driving him crazy...

"No Dean! Don't…I'm sorry…Dean!' Sam woke up gasping for breath. This was the umpteenth time tonight that he woke up screaming bloody murder. Looking down, he saw his clothes drenched with sweat and his sheets were tangled between his limbs.

"Are you okay?' Sam whipped his head around quickly, following the sound of the voice in the direction of the bathroom. The person that it belonged to was standing silently and deadly still in the doorway. Feeling for his pistol, Sam stared at the figure intently; there was something different about him. But the again, of course there is always something different about murderers. "Don't," the person said, unmoving.

_'__I'm going to die…whoever he is, he's going to kill me,'_ Sam thought, not caring much for his situation. "Why the hell not?" He fired back at the shadow, who inched closer to the doorway. He couldn't tear his eyes away from him.

"I saved your brother; I'm Castiel," The angel said as he stared at Sam's silhouette. _'You're the person I have to try and stop?' _

It was too dark to see anything as Sam checked his phone. Glancing over at Dean's bed, he gave a small sigh._ 'He isn't back.' _

"Why are you sad?" Castiel said, reading Sam's thoughts.

"Why are you here?" Sam countered, looking at Castiel, who still hadn't moved much.

'Do you know where Dean is?'

"I don't know. Probably getting rip roaring drunk.' Castiel finally came forward, sitting on Dean's bed. The thin translucent curtains let the light of the moon shine in. Even though there was little light Sam could make out dark hair and possibly blue coloured eyes.

'You're really an angel?' Sam asked, a little disappointed once he switched on the lamp. All he saw was a man, in a tan coloured trench coat with a thin blue tie and bright blue eyes. Sam moved his eyes in the direction of the window as a crack of lightening caught his attention. Turning back, Sam stared at the shadows of two large wings protruding from the supposed angels back. Sam jumped back, as he stared at the wings. He found a grin growing on his face as he called out, "Dean! Come look at this…" his grin quickly disappeared. Dean wasn't around.

"That's why you are sad," Castiel stated.

"You didn't answer any of my questions." _Is it a good thing to lose your temper in front of an angel _"Why are you here?" Sam repeated.

"To save you and Dean."

"Save us from what? Hell…my powers…?"

"Both."

Sam winced suddenly as his head spat out images in random sequences. It wasn't a vision. They were images of Sam and Dean together. All the good times, what little they had of them. It was an honest to God headache.

"Sam?" Castiel said as his eyes grew wide.

'_It's Dean; he came back.'_ Sam felt two strong hands pick him up off the ground and gently lifted him onto the bed. 'Dean, I…glad you …ah came back.' He managed to hiss out quickly squeezing his eyes shut. As the headache slowly subsided he opened his eyes, expecting Dean to sit down next to him with concern filling his big green eyes. No Dean. Castiel was sitting opposite Sam.

"He didn't come back," he said.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Castiel looked at it oddly before reaching out a tentative hand to pick it up and hand it over to Sam. Bobby. _'Dean wasted no time in declaring me a freak.'_

"Aren't you going to answer it?" Castiel asked Sam, who shook his head sadly.

"I heard your prayer. I asked my Father what to do." Castiel looked solemnly at Sam, disappointed that Sam could give up so easily. _'Didn't the Winchester's fight till the end?' _

"Great, this is just what I need," Sam mumbled bitterly.

"He doesn't believe that you should do this; He thinks you should fight," Castiel said passionately. Sam stared at Castiel hard, finally seeing that he was only trying to do the right thing.

"There is no third option. Dean told me that God doesn't want me to do this. Now God wants me to do this. Hell, I don't want to do this so eliminating myself is the only conceivable option left. And yet I can't do that either?' Sam said, annoyed, staring at his phone. _'Ring…damn it, please, Dean, ring the phone.' _

"If you go, Dean will not fight and if he does not fight, all will be lost," Castiel yelled back at Sam, surprised at himself as he had never raised his voice before at someone who looked like they could break down and cry at any minute.

'_He's so sure about this.'_

"If…I die…in this process," Sam said, drawing out as many pauses as he could. "Dean won't fight for anyone," he finished off icily. Lightening and thunder rumbled the sky. Breaking eye contact with Castiel just for a minute, he looked outside. _'When did the world start to look so bleak?'_

Turning back, he started to ask Castiel what to do. But the angel was gone. Beside the lamp, a note and a single black feather occupied the space where Sam's cell phone had once laid. _'You kept yelling out Dean's name. I find that honesty is always best in this situation. Castiel.' _Sam crumpled the note angrily.

"Fortune cookie much," he scoffed as he shoved it deep into his pocket. Sam's phone brought him out of his reverie. He finally located it, tossed haphazardly between the sheets.

"Dean?" he spoke into it breathlessly. _'Please, Dean, don't do this. Don't leave me like this…' _

"Sam?" Bobby said curiously.

"Uh…hi Bobby," Sam said back into the phone. _'Hang up, hang up, hang _up_!'_ Sam's brain screamed at him.

"What the hell were you…?" Bobby started off, but stopped when he heard the click on the other end of the line.

'_Why can't he understand that I'm saving lives? He couldn't help me. What else could I do? Dean was gone. I thought that was what everything we did was about. Saving lives, as many as possible, no second thoughts about who it was and how we achieved it. That's what he taught me to do.' _Sam's head swirled with thoughts. His phone rang again. Staring at the caller ID, he saw that it was Bobby.

"Leave me _alone!_" He yelled at the phone. It continued to ring. Grinding his jaw, he picked it up and hurled it across the room.

* * *

AN: So what do you think? Love or hate? Luv Scare


	3. It Hurts Us All

AN: Hello everybody, I know it's been a while since I last updated this but I didn't know what to write next. I thought Dean and swings would be an odd combination but go together really nicely. Don't ask why but I just had this vision of something like this. I think I can explain it better in chapter four. There is just something about swings that…nah, not going to tell you, if you want to find out read chapter 4!

* * *

_Previously: "Leave me _alone!"_ He yelled at the phone. It continued to ring. Grinding his jaw, he picked it up and hurled it across the room._

Dean had never been so angry in his life. All that ran through his head was powers, powers, and powers. Dean hit the steering wheel in anger.

"Damn it, Sam!" He picked up speed, the Impala cruising along to her daddy's wishes. Beer, that's what he needed, a beer and someone to sleep with, then he'd return to the motel in the morning and go from there.

He was on his way to the closest bar possible when on his way he saw a lone swing set.

_'Live right…ain't that true?'_ He thought to himself as he pulled the Impala into the parking lot. Cautiously, he stepped out of his car, watching for any signs of movement. He didn't want any trouble from anyone tonight. All he wanted was to sit and think about things, even if it was about a life that he knew could never happen.

He stepped over the little fence and made his way over to the swings, which were gently moving in the breeze. He tried to block the noise of his boots crunching against the gravel, just like he tried to block out the screams of the people who he tortured. The sounds followed him everywhere though, being a constant reminder of the person who he once was and the person who he had morphed into.

Finally, he stood around for a while, looking uncomfortable.

"What the hell am I doing here?" he whispered as he circled the children's play equipment. "This is so screwed up!" He yelled suddenly as he kicked the beams that held the swing up.

The moon was out and let a gleam of white light hit the steel poles, where in the morning Dean's large scuff mark would be apparent. But he would never see it; he'd be long gone by then.

His anger was suddenly overwhelming. Clenching and unclenching his fists rapidly, he wished that Sam was here so he could release all the fury that was building up in him. He gasped, fingering his hand through his hair. What was happening to him? He intentionally wanted to hurt Sam! _'Calm down Dean, everything is going to be okay. Sam's fine, he's at the motel resting, I hope.'_ The thought running around in his mind sounded even greater than the lies Sam had told him.

He had never wanted to hit Sam so much! Any other time, there was a bit of anger but it was just Dean's. It had never, _ever_ been Sam's fault, at least not on purpose. But this time it was…and it was tearing them apart. He had…_enjoyed_…slugging Sam and given the chance, he knew that he would have done it again.

Sighing, he gave up and slumped carelessly into the seat, feeling the chain's cool metal surface in his calloused fingers. Pushing his feet down, he swung back and forth just letting everything, the fight, Ruby, the power that Sam had, he let it all sink into him.

He felt guilty though. _'My fault. Always my frickin' fault. I shouldn't have left, shouldn't have punched Sam…Oh God what if he's with her now?'_ Dean thought the next part of the sentence because if he said it out loud, it would confirm everything that he didn't want to know anything about. _'Sam switched sides and Ruby's helping him.'_

He ignored the sudden rush of wanting to jump into the car and floor it back to the motel. He ignored wanting to say how sorry he was for hurting Sam and that if he wanted to use his powers then go ahead, but just don't expect to hear from him again. He ignored all this and instead listened to the creaking noise of the chains as they moved with the weight of him.

He let a whoosh of air out and tried to remember the last time that he and Sam had gone to a play ground or a swing set. He searched his memory sifting through all sorts of information. _'Ghosts, not there. Demons, gotta be kidding me, not old enough to even know about them! Poltergeist? Bingo!' _That was the day that their dad had come back from a poltergeist hunt.

It was the best day of his life, and the final piece of innocence Sam had left, before John subtlety let the world of the supernatural slip into Sam's existence. The next day, Sam had learned how to put salt lines against the windows and the doors without having the sudden urge to draw pictures in them breaking the deterrent. He was four! Four years old and Sam was learning about salt lines! The day could never be tainted though. The wind picked up a bit, but Dean didn't mind as he let himself get lost in the world of swings.

* * *

AN: Tada! School holidays are coming within a week, so hopefully I'll be able to update things a lot faster. The next chapter will have Wee!Chesters. Sam aged four and Dean aged eight in the flashback which is the main bulk of the chapter including John briefly, and Castiel will appear as well in the present time. Please tell me what you think about the swing idea. Luv Scare.


	4. Final Piece Of Innocence

AN: **Thankyou to:** skag trendy, Spuffyshipper, Star Mage1, Moonfairyhime, Darkwolve, Dark Days, supernaturasammy67, jessie990800, blueeyesbetter, angeleyenc, dragonwitch250, sasukesmyemo394, for reviewing. Hope you enjoy this chapter like I said before it's Wee!Chester.

* * *

_Previously: The wind picked up a bit, but Dean didn't mind as he let himself get lost in the world of swings..._

"C'mon Sammy, Dad says we can go to the park," The eight year old said excitedly as he called out to his little brother.

"Help me, Deanie!" The little boy yelled, muffled by the oversized turtle neck. Dean cruised to the other side of the little apartment John had bought to keep child services of their back. "Can't see! Deanie!" Sam whined.

Dean laughed and then went over to Sam who was getting ready after his bath. He was lost amidst the over sized turtle neck and it gave Dean the perfect opening. Slowly creeping up he quickly tackled Sam to the ground and tickled his tummy.

"Dean!" The four year old squealed in delight. "Stop! Please!" Sam managed to say between gasps of air. Dean stood up and pulled Sam up from the ground.

"You hear what I said, Tiger?" He asked Sam as he righted Sam's shirt.

"Yep, you were telling truth?" Sam asked innocently as he went and put on his runners.

Dean pretended to look hurt. "Since when have I lied to you?"

"Never," Sam replied in a small guilty voice as he piped up, adding, "Finished!" He screamed in Dean's ear and took off down the passage.

Dean ran and caught Sam's hand. He grabbed his coat and placed a beanie on Sam's head.

"Dean, why?" Sam whined in annoyance, as Dean tucked his freakishly long brown hair behind his ears.

"You're going to get sick,"' Dean replied as he led Sam to the park, closing up behind him.

Once at the park Sam's face instantly lit up. It was the first time he had been out of the apartment without their dad.

"Where d'ya want to go first?" Dean eyed people wearily as they walked past.

"Slide!" Sam screamed as he took off running, stopping halfway when he couldn't here Dean behind him. "Unless, you want to do something different…?" Dean shook his head and ran up to Sam climbing on the slide and placing Sam on his lap.

'Ready?' Sam nodded his head vigorously before Dean pushed off, laughing in glee as Sam squealed down the slide already bounding up the stairs again.

"Don't come," Sam said, placing his hand out to signal Dean to stay at the base of the slide.

"You sure, Sammy?" Sam got on the slide, giving Dean the thumbs up. "K, whenever you're ready…"

Sam peered down; it was a long way down. "Dean's not scared," Sam whispered repeating the mantra to himself and gaining bravery within, all because he wanted to be just like his big brother. He placed his hands either side of him and pushed down, quickly gaining speed. Dean expertly caught him but lost his balance and at the last minute they toppled over.

"Sorry, Dean!" Sam giggled.

"It's okay, you did a good job." Sam got finally to off him and tried to pull Dean of the ground.

"You're so heavy!" He said sticking his tongue out of the side of his mouth and pulling with all his might. Dean laughed and got up himself, dusting Sam down and straightened out his crooked beanie.

Looking around the park, Dean noticed the lone pair of swings that were located off to one side. Grabbing Sam's head softly, he steered the little boy to the swing. "What d'ya think Sammy?"

Sam took off towards the swings, instantly jumping into one when he was close enough. Concentrating, he slid a little of the seat so his feet would touch the ground. "Push me, Dean," Sam pleaded when his feet wouldn't obey him. Rolling his eyes, Dean stepped behind the swing and placed his hands on the chains.

"Ready, little guy?" Sam removed his hand from one of the chains and signaled that he was via thumbs up. Dean pulled back on the swing. "Okay. One, two, three!" He released his hands and the swing went flying through the air. Coming back due to gravity, Dean planted his feet firmly on the ground and pushed Sam's back. He was having so much fun that he didn't feel the strong arms that lifted him up. Gasping Dean kicked the man's shoulder.

"Daddy!" Sam screamed, turning his head around to greet his father. Dean stopped kicking, listening to Sam's words. Slowly turning his head around, his father's dark brown eyes greeted him.

"Nice kick, tiger," He said, hugging Dean tightly. He stopped the swing and picked up the squirming four year old. "Take it easy," he warned, stepping back jerkily when Sam torpedoed himself into John's midsection. "Having fun, boys?"

"Yes, dad," Dean said.

"Yep daddy, want to play?" Sam asked pointing to the swing that had halted to a stop.

"Nah, but how about you both go on the swing and I can push you?" John asked, gently dropping Sam and Dean onto the tan bark.

"You can go back if you want," Dean offered. He knew that his dad was a busy person and that playing wasn't as important as hunting the things that hurt people.

"Go back!" John scoffed, "And miss time with my two boys?" He asked Dean who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Let's go, maybe if you can get high enough you'll be able to catch a star."

Dean rolled his eyes and said, "It's not dark yet, Dad." John laughed and moved to the swing that Sam occupied.

"Sam, you'd better hold on!" Dean warned as John pulled the chains back. "Okay, Sammy?"

"Okay." Pulling in his knees, John let go and Sam flew through the air. "Yay!" he screamed in delight, swinging his legs. John pushed him again and then stepped over to the swing that Dean occupied.

"You ready?" Dean nodded. John pulled the swing back and let go. Dean sailed through the air using his legs to gain a further distance.

"Push me far! Dean's gonna beat me!" Sam yelled turning his head to face Dean. Dean grinned and inched himself further in the air. "More!" Sam screamed. Sticking his toes out extra far so he could beat Dean just once. Sam stuck his tongue out at Dean when he succeeded.

"Sam," John said disapprovingly.

"Sorry," Sam yelled at Dean.

"It's okay," Dean yelled back, trying to slow down. Once it was slow enough, Dean jumped off the swings and landed on all fours like a cat. Sam's swing was coming to a slow stop and witnessing Dean's act, Sam, using his hands, pushed of the seat and landed with a heavy thud on the ground. The swing twisted and John caught it just before it gave Sam a good knock on the head. Dean's eyes grew when Sam didn't get up.

"Sam?" He crawled over to Sam who was looking at his shoe. "Sammy, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to leave," he said in a quiet voice, his large brown eyes scanning the scenery that surrounded them.

John came up behind Sam and knelt down on a knee. "What's the matter?" Crossing his arms, Sam turned his head away from John. Rolling his eyes John poked Sam in the back. Sam's face scrunched up, but he still didn't turn around. John poked Sam's back once more. Luckily, he succeeded. "What wrong?"

"I don't want to go," Sam pouted. John sighed holding his arms out for Sam to enter. "I want to stay here forever!"

"You know we can't," Sam started to squirm out of John's arms. "How about we stay here until it's really dark and we can't see anymore, then we can go and get take out?"

"And ice cream?" Sam piped in, already excited.

"And ice cream," John said triumphantly...

That's what they had done all afternoon and night. They ran around the park, playing on the swings and the slide and the monkey bars. They played tag and hide n' seek. They even crash tackled John, playing tickle wars.

And like Dean remembered the next day, Sam had learnt about salt lines and was told that bad things didn't like salt. Sam had asked what things and their father had brushed the question away with a simple wave of his hand.

That was the best day of his life and it was the only one he remembered that wasn't filled with pain or misery. Dean looked at the swing next to him, imagining Sam's four year old form sitting next to him soaring high into the sky.

* * *

  
AN: So push the little green button and tell me if you loved or hated it. Anyone willing to answer the **poll** on my homepage are awesome people. Haha, Luv Scare.


	5. No One Else Matters

AN: Chapter five, okay so I am going to try to explain my absence from updating this fic...life is busy...*breaks down and bawls* okay I'm a bad updater! Please don't put my head on a pike! *grovels* I have a beta reader who is reading this, so thankyou to MissMe113. Wow a month and no update...I'm am stuggling so much with writing this...I can start a story but can't end it. I'm so sorry. This is going to be put on incomplete or whatever the status is and hopefully you guys can see a couple more chapters soon. Please don't hate me!

* * *

_Previously: Dean looked at the swing next to him, imagining Sam's four year old form sitting next to him soaring high into the sky._

"Is this contraption fun?" A voice called out from behind him. "It looks...interesting," it added.

Dean turned his head around and was greeted by a somber looking man in a tax accountant suit with bright blue eyes and a dark tan trench coat.

"What do you call it?" He asked, taking in the large metal support beams and the striking silver chains that held a black rubber seat up.

"It's a swing...you know...you swing on it." To demonstrate his point, Dean swung. He put his legs out to gain extra momentum when it flew up and drew his tucked his legs inwards when gravity bought him back down. Castiel watched in amusement as the older Winchester smiled and went back and forth; removing one hand from the chain he reached out into the night sky.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked in amazement.

Dean turned his face toward Castiel. "Just something my dad told me when I was little."

"Sam isn't coping," Castiel shouted upwards. Instantly, Dean put his feet down, hitting the tan bark and slowing down his current swing. When it halted, he turned to look at Castiel's worried eyes. Dean mirrored the emotion on his face, gesturing for the angel to elaborate on his latest revelation.

"He prays, Dean."

"I know; he's told me before about two years ago." Standing up, he followed Castiel, who now sat at one of the little park benches. _'What the fuck's going on?'_ Dean thought to himself.

"I'd appreciate it if you kept blasphemy to a minimal." Wincing, Castiel pointed to his head. "It's not very good for us."

A look of alarm spread across Dean's face. "Uh...sorry. What is happening?" He tried. Castiel smiled, feeling much better.

"Have you ever asked what he prays about?" Castiel took Dean's silence as a no. "I guess you are right, some prayers are private and not to be heard by anyone else unless needed." Dean looked at Castiel in alarm.

"No mind reading please!" Castiel looked down in embarrassment and agreed.

Dean stayed silent, instead nodding his head while playing with a loose strand of thread from his knee torn jeans. "What do you mean Sam isn't coping?" Pulling his jacket around him tighter as the wind picked up, he stood up and made his way over to the Impala. "You coming?" Dean asked, shaking his head. Castiel hopped up and caught up with Dean, entering the back seat of the car. Due to Castiel's seat option, since Sam wasn't here, Dean looked at him oddly but let it go.

"So, are you gonna tell me?"

"Dean I can't tell you something like this..."

Rubbing his hands together to create warmth he stared out the window. '_Sam, you better be at the motel when I get back…'_

"…But I can show you." Tapping Dean's forehead, they were transported into the motel room of their recent fight.

Sam knelt in front of the bed, beginning his prayer.

"_Please look after Dean, I m not going to be around forever. Apparently, I have both angels and demons wanting my head on a stick."_

"What does he mean he's not going to be around forever?" Dean asked Castiel, who looked stony faced at the scene replaying before him. "Cas?"

_"Dean didn't deserve to go to hell, but he went for me. I prayed for you to let him go; he couldn't watch my back down there and I couldn't watch his back from up here! Instead you keep him down there for four months. Four fucking months!"_ Dean jumped when Sam started screaming, turning to look at the stoic angel. He just stood there, letting Sam's word cut into him. His heart swelled up with guilt even though he really had nothing to feel guilty about.

_"We both changed! Neither of us will look out for each other anymore! Is this what you wanted?! Huh?!"_

"That isn't true!" Dean protested.

Castiel gave him that patented, 'Shut up Dean, you know it's true,' look. "I know it isn't only your fault but still, Sam speaks the truth."

_"If you want me to end it, just say it"_ Sam said angrily.

"_End _it?" Dean repeated, his eyebrows rising in disbelief. Castiel nodded. "He'll _end _it? End what?! Sam isn't stupid enough to actually…what the _hell _did they teach at that school?" Dean struggled to find the words, watching his little brothers face.

"_I'll end it, I swear I will but you have to do something. Dean gets to live a normal life, maybe he becomes a mechanic, opens his own little place up. He finds a beautiful wife who loves him for all that he is and has kids that adore him. When I die you give him this." _Sam started to speak quietly_. "Dean dies at a ripe old age and goes to heaven; he forgets all of this, the hunts, the crappy motel, the shitty food and sleazy women. He forgets me and what I may become."_

"Forget Sam? He's crazy, I can't...forget him! I pulled him out of a fire for Christ sakes! He's my brother! I'm not going to forget Sam because Sam isn't going to become anything!" Dean said angrily, striding over to the opposite side of the bed so he could face Sam. Dean's mind swirled with contemplation of everything Sam had just asked for.

_"This is a prayer for Dean Winchester and I ask just one thing: Do this if not for me, then for my big brother, Dean. He deserves happiness in his life. Amen."_ Sam got up from the ground and made his way into bed.

Castiel came forward and tapped Dean's forehead. Dean woke up in the front seat of the Impala.

"Happiness in life?! Is he insane?!" Dean glared at the rear view mirror. Castiel shrugged. "Cas, what do I do? Seriously, I can take a lot of crap, but this…lying, it's a pain in the ass," Dean offered, hoping that that gave insight as to what Castiel might suggest to make this better, or at least easier for them.

"Dean...I can't do anything about what you said. I can't take back what Sam has done. This is between the two of you," Castiel said.

Dean shook his head vigorously.

"Uh-uh...Cas, you don't get to back out. The day you pulled me out of hell was the day that you became a part of this. What affects you does not just affect yourself. It affects me and it especially affects Sam." Dean set his jaw in a determined expression. Castiel looked helplessly at Dean.

"Oh, forget it," Dean grumbled as Castiel apologized and told him to go back to the motel.

The angel disappeared from the back seat.

* * *

AN: Okay what do you think...if you forgive my horrible updating skills please let me know by leaving a review! Oh and poll on homepage...  
Lot's of love from a very sorry Scare4irony!


	6. He's Gone Without Me

AN: Chapter six for you all. I hope you enjoy it and really want to thank you for the reviews, they mean so much!

_

* * *

_

_Previously: The angel disappeared from the back seat._

The Impala sped down the deserted highway.

"Damn it!" Dean swore as he tried Sam's phone. "Out of service!" He yelled, hitting his palm against the steering wheel. "Sam, you can't do this!" Dialing Sam's number, again, he got nothing. A look of relief washed over Dean's face as his phone rang next to him.

"Fucking hell, you take your time!" Dean shouted into the phone.

"Don't cuss at me, boy!" Bobby yelled back. The silent treatment from Sam was already testing his patience; Dean's unholy mouth was something that he couldn't really deal with.

Dean's face blanched "Um...I was just yanking ya, Bobby," he fake laughed, "...Uh, what's up?"

"I have a good notion to beat you out of your skin, Dean. What did you say to your baby brother?" Bobby asked, balancing his home phone against his ear and using the other to try and contact Sam.

"Why, did he say something?' Dean asked, trying to see how far away he was from the motel.

"Dean," Bobby growled, rubbing his eyes tiredly. For the past two hours he had tried to contact Sam, but to no avail. The silence on the other end meant that Dean wasn't going to answer until he answered first. "He didn't say anything; I got up to where the hell and he then cut the call. What did you say?" Bobby asked.

"Well…actions speak louder than words, right? I, uh…I guess I made them both pretty damn loud."

Dean flinched, remembering how Sam's face had instantly dropped when he heard Dean's words. It was much worse than how he looked after the beating he received from Dean's fist. A thousand freaking times worse.

"Bobby, I'm really starting to freak out here. I'm going back to the motel to check on Sam. Keep trying to call him, okay?" Bobby was silent on the other end. "Bobby? Bobby?" He repeated.

"Yeah, I'm here. Just…thinking."

"Care to enlighten me?" Dean asked with sarcasm dripping thickly from his voice.

"Sam, he's strong...and stubborn. If the boy doesn't want to be found then you won't find him. I lost him after three weeks," Bobby sighed on the other end. "It all comes down to how much you hurt him, son."

Dean sat there silently. "I have to go," he said, finishing the call. _God, I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry Sam._

The motel room soon came into Dean's vision as he breathed a sigh of relief. He reached the door and took a deep breath in.

"Sam!" He shouted, knocking on the door. There was no response. "Sam!" He shouted again. "Damn it."

Fumbling in his pockets, he located the key and jammed it into the keyhole. Thrusting the door open, he walked in to find Sam's bed made and all of his belongings gone.

"Shit!" His cell phone rang, interrupting Dean, who was looking for any trace as to where Sam might've been heading off to.

"Bobby, he's gone." Dean said, checking the bathroom and the small kitchen that they had been lucky to receive. "All his stuff is gone." Dean turned around in the center of the room, and saw Sam's cell phone, broken and smashed into pieces. Dean gulped and berated himself for thinking the worse. "His cell phone is absolutely smashed."

Bobby was silent on the other side of the phone. "Bobby?!" A band of tightness entered his chest all of the sudden, like a premonition that something bad was about to, or going to happen.

"Yeah, I'm here, son. Have you ever thought of giving Sam some time? Letting him gather his thoughts?"Bobby asked. The Winchesters were stubborn to say the least, and if they couldn't handle the emotion then it usually laid buried until some supernatural son of a bitch used it to pit them against each other. Before Dean's time in Hell, Sam was the one who pushed to get the secrets and emotions out in the open. After four months without Dean, it was now Sam who mostly kept to himself, and Dean was left in the dark unless it was needed for the work of God.

"Cas…he told me some things...I don't think it's a good idea that Sam's out by himself," Dean said, packing his things so he could chase Sam over-as Meg put it-God's Green Earth.

"Okay. I'll try looking for him; any idea's where he might be?"

"I don't know. Uh, try Mom's and Jess's graves… a church…Hell, try the local library. I don't know where Sam would go now...he isn't the same," Dean finished off quietly, going to the front desk to pay for their room. Bolting out into the car park, he tossed his belongings into the passenger seat and leapt into the front seat of the Impala, keeping his eyes peeled. He turned the key in the ignition, causing the car to roar to life. He started slowly, picking up speed as he hit the road.

Alone.

* * *

AN: So what do you think? Is this okay for you? I'll be up all night (Australian time) so if you have any questions or comments I'll respond really quickly to them- (I'm taping the whole memorial service of MJ which is like 3AM-5:30AM plus all this other stuff from 11PM - it's confusing! *waves hand dismissively*) Leave reviews and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Luv Scare4irony


	7. Between Heaven And Hell

AN: Chapter 7. Been a while cause I didn't get my special number of reviews...and I wanted a break anyways to get my head together...nearly half a year later...I mean the last time a posted a chapter...well, I watched something that sucked and never mind...hope you enjoy.

* * *

_Previously: He turned the key in the ignition, causing the car to roar to life. He started slowly, picking up speed as he hit the road._

_Alone._

Castiel kept both eyes on the brothers from up above. This was turning into an impossible task where they were all at an impasse. From his garrison, he received looks of contempt. The relationship that he had been forming with his charge was frowned upon and the other angel made sure that he knew about it. Walking around, he received glances of pity and whispers of him becoming a fallen angel were occurring more and more.

'Castiel's going to fall soon,' one of them whispered as he flew by. Turning his head to confront them he saw that they had gone.

'The angel who is Dean Winchester's protector carries feelings for the man...I heard it was love,' another said. Castiel dipped his head lower as he walked past as to not draw attention to himself.

Taking it all in his stride he continued to do his job though. Protecting Dean Winchester was easier said than done though. The scars from his battle with the supernatural were becoming more and more apparent and those new scars marred his otherwise unscathed body from after he was pulled out from hell.

Uriel had been quick to put a stop to those rumours, protecting his brothers came first, especially Castiel. He did not condone the relationship with the human or mud monkey as he like to call them, but understood the doubts that Castiel felt...even though his opinion of heaven remained high...those little doubts, the things Anna had said before her departure to the world below heavily placed questions in the angel's mind.

'Actions reflect strongly on yourself Castiel, and I have done what I can to make sure that there is no talk about you. But you must stop what you are doing,' Uriel told Castiel as they walked through the heavens together.

'No actions have been taken and nothing has been done. Therefore is nothing to dispel,' Castiel said taking in the scenery and checking on their other charges amongst other parts of the world.' And therefore I am not doing anything.'

'Brother, you feel something towards Dean Winchester do you not?' Uriel rounded Castiel, parting the clouds aside so they could see Dean check the motel room for Sam. 'Perhaps love?'

Castiel scoffed staring down at the frantic brother. 'Towards Dean Winchester I do not feel love. I cannot describe it, but I've heard it being labelled as friendship."

"Friendship is a type of love my brother."

Castiel tried to come up with something but found that his mind had left him empty with nothing to explain himself. "I feel sympathetic towards him...and his brother.'

It was now Uriel's turn to scoff. 'The brother, the man with the demon blood has gained you sympathies?' He asked with a scowl. He looked at Castiel and wondered how much of an understanding did he feel for humans, their emotions and forms of punishments or even the hurt that they afflicted on themselves and others.

'Yes,' Castiel looked at Uriel blankly. Couldn't he see that this wasn't their fault? 'Uriel, Sam didn't ask to be fed demon blood, he didn't ask for his mother to be pinned to the ceiling, we can't hold him responsible for those actions,' he said angrily.

Uriel looked at Castiel in disgust. 'You've bonded with the other brother as well.' Shaking his head he walked away quickly, leaving Castiel to close the gap in the sky. 'Humans are low creatures my brother. That is why the live below us. Demons are worse than humans, that is why they live where they live. This is the order of the worlds.' Uriel shouted over his shoulder. Castiel ran to catch up to his brother. 'Do you remember Anna?' Nodding his head Castiel looked at the ground. 'She fell because she didn't believe in our systems, not only that but she felt something more for them than we are allowed.'

'I know that. I was there, I watched her fall. They made me - make her fall!' Castiel cried out in anger. 'You can't blame her for wanting something different. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like.'

'Castiel!' Uriel whispered harshly, 'Talk like that, they'll force you to fall.' Castiel shut his mouth immediately. 'Tell me about your feeling towards them?'

Castiel's eyes brightened a little, talking about chargers were always fun. 'They care about each other a lot...but in the process of caring for each other, they always get hurt, not physically either. Emotionally, they can't deal with everything that they are learning. Dean is...being difficult, he is closed minded. He carries deep regrets for what he's done and it haunts his dreams. Sam's tie with the demons like Ruby, is clouding his mind, he truly believes that he's doing good in the world. This is all hard to accept.'

Uriel looked amused, 'Hard for the Winchesters or hard for you?'

Pondering the thought for a moment he didn't know what to say. 'I don't...I don't know...I don't understand how this has happened. Sam, he carried demonic blood in his veins but he's prayed for years. Dean he stopped praying the day his mother died, overall I would've thought that he be the child whom carries the end of the world on his shoulders.' Uriel patted Castiel's shoulder in understanding, listening to Castiel babbling about how great humans was disgusting, but it made Castiel happy and made him feel lighter. Learning their customs and ways were interesting to someone who hadn't walked on earth in over 2000 years. 'I should go now.'

'Remember brother, actions matter.' He warned before flying off into the distance.

Castiel went to witness Sam's past actions just hours before. He watched Sam pack his bags...

Sam had made the decision earlier in the morning to leave Dean's side, he was going to follow his prayers and he hoped that they would be fulfilled. 'Should I leave a note?' He wondered aloud looking at Dean's un-slept bed. 'God Dean I'm so sorry, for doing this,' he apologised, 'If I could take it back I would but it is the only way to save you. And end this whole mess.'

The sound of the cars that passed his room made him jump. His mind kept playing tricks on him, hearing Dean's voice, hearing a knock on the door, hearing the unmistakable rumble of the Impala's engine. He even missed the sound of his cell phone ringing. They were all familiar sounds to him, the slow introduction to land of the living, because Dean was back. Now silence filled the room and Sam's senses had hurtled back making up for the months that he had ignored using them.

Shuffling over to Dean's bag he pulled out a couple of his weapons. The shirt that he buried Dean in sat atop of his other clothes and started to scream at him. He lifted out the sacred item, smelt in Dean's sent and packed it into his own bag. This way a little piece of Dean could always be with him.

Taking a final glance at the room where truths had come to light and the final bonds of brotherhood broken Sam walked out of the room into the new day where he would start his journey alone.

* * *

AN: There we go...Leave reviews, Scareirony


End file.
